I've been developing and posting this Pause for Prayer on Wednesday of Holy Week since 2008. It's longer than a usual daily post and includes the following:
- some background on Spy Wednesday
- some thoughts on betrayal
- Rufus Wainwright's wrenching musical setting
of the Lamb of God
- my Pause for Prayer entry
- and another (gentler, healing) setting of the Lamb of God
by Samuel Barber
Spy Wednesday: Just about everyone, believer and non-believer alike, identifies Judas with betrayal. Wednesday of Holy Week is called Spy Wednesday because on this day at mass we hear the story of Judas' traitorous scheming:
One of the Twelve, who was called Judas
Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, “What are you willing to
give me if I hand him over to you?” They paid him thirty pieces of
silver, and from that time on he looked for an opportunity to hand him
over... On the evening of the first day of the Feast of
Unleavened Bread, Jesus reclined
at table with the Twelve. And while they were eating, he said, “Amen, I
say to you, one of you will betray me.” Deeply distressed at this,
they began to say to him one after another, “Surely it is not I, Lord?”
He said in reply, “He who has dipped his hand into the dish with me is
the one who will betray me. The Son of Man indeed goes, as it is
written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed.
It would be better for that man if he had never been born.” Then
Judas, his betrayer, said in reply, “Surely it is not I, Rabbi?” He
answered, “You have said so.”
Betrayal is an ugly word...
Here are two hard questions:
who has betrayed me?
by whom have I been betrayed?
What wounds, what scars, what sorrow
has betrayal left in my life?
in the lives of those whom I've betrayed?
Fr. Aidan Kavanagh spoke of Holy Thursday as
the night in which Jesus was betrayed
- by the worst in us all...
That's a discomforting perspective on Judas' betrayal:
it's easy to point an accusing finger at Judas
- not so easy to accuse myself...
On the night Jesus was betrayed,
Judas stood in for all of us,
for all of us who have betrayed
our God and our neighbor...
And the next day, Jesus, innocent and without sin,
stood in for us,
carrying on his shoulders
and suffering in his wounds
the burden of all our infidelities,
our sins - and our betrayals...
On the Cross,
Jesus, the Lamb of God
takes away the sins of the world...
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world:
have mercy on us!
Here's Rufus Wainwright's contemporary setting of the Agnus Dei (Lamb of God). The opening sounds here drill into our hearts, our souls, to precisely the place where the Lord's mercy meets us: in our sins and betrayal of God and of others. While Wainwright's music might help us image Judas plotting against Jesus - it doesn't abandon us to Judas' despair - rather, it moves us
beyond to the consolation of the One who takes our sins away, finally resolving in great peace: dona nobis pacem (give us peace).
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi: miserere nobis.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world:
have mercy on us.
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi: miserere nobis.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world:
have mercy on us.
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi: dona nobis pacem.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world:
grant us peace.
Pause for Prayer
With the light of your truth, Lord,
open my heart and help me be honest
in seeing how I've betrayed you:
how I've taken your mercy and love for granted...
how I've presumed upon your forgiveness...
how, out of loyalty to the crowd,
the latest fad or myself
I've betrayed you in thought, word and deed...
With the light of your truth, Lord,
open my heart and help me be honest
in seeing how I've betrayed
my family, friends and colleagues
at home, at work, at school, in my community...
how I've betrayed my neighbor
with rumors and gossip...
how I've betrayed the poor and hungry
with my greedy and wasteful ways...
how I've betrayed the truth
with my lies and cheating...
With the light of your truth, Lord,
open my heart and help me be honest
in seeing how I've betrayed myself:
how I've been dishonest with and about
the person you made me to be...
how I've betrayed my own word
in being unfaithful...
how I've betrayed your image within me,
the image in which you created me,
by choosing the cheap and the tawdry...
With the light of your truth, Lord, open my heart and help me be honest
in seeing how I, like Judas, hand you over
for money and prestige,
out of pride and in fear,
in selfishness and presumption,
and in my vain, self-serving efforts
to win the praise of others...
Forgive me the times I've betrayed, you, Lord...
Forgive me the times I've betrayed my neighbor...
And help me forgive, Lord,
those who have betrayed me...
Amen.
And finally... here are some healing sounds
from Samuel Barber's much gentler setting of Agnus Dei
performed by the incomparable Ensemble Altera
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi: miserere nobis.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world:
have mercy on us.
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi: miserere nobis.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world:
have mercy on us.
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi: dona nobis pacem.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world:
grant us peace.
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