It was a pair of wool socks that did it.
Well, actually it was a picture of pairs of wool socks in one of the catalogues that have been arriving every few days over the last couple of weeks. A pair of wool socks...
I was thumbing through the catalogue and came across a page of socks. They looked thick, warm, 100% wool and the colors and patterns were beautiful. My finger stopped the turning pages and I paused to see if I might order these for my mother for Christmas...
All of this happened in about 3 seconds before I suddenly remembered: my mother died in August 1994. Remembered? Well, I hadn't actually forgotten. But for a few seconds the Christmas list slowly forming in my mind's eye had stopped to peg those socks for my mother. You see, my mother liked warm wool socks and many were the years when among the gifts I gave her were 100% wooly socks for her feet.
You'd think that after 13 years this wouldn't happen anymore but it does. And not just when I'm paging through catalogues. I can be at the mall or in a gift shop while on vacation and spot a trinket or souvenir and for a few split seconds reach out to buy it for my mother...
I hope it's a sign of how much I loved her and she loved me that the impulse to buy her a gift can still be so strong within me. Years ago such moments were painful and only served to remind me that she was gone. As time passed, those same moments came to serve as points of connection with the woman who gave me birth and whom I called Mom for 47 years.
I think I'll buy some 100% warm wool socks, in beautiful patterns and colors, and send them to Rosie's Place. Someone's mother is there and her feet will be getting chilly as November brings us into winter. I'd like to offer someone's mother the warmth my heart still reaches out to give my own mother.
It's November, the month of All Souls, a time to remember and pray for those who have died. Sometimes you don't even have to try - the wool socks in a catalogue do it for you...
Thank you for putting in words an experience that I too frequently have regarding my late parents. Regarding my mother, certain dresses and particular shades of blue are triggers more than 20 years after her physical death. My Dad, well, it is stacks of newspapers, magazines and crossword puzzle clues!
ReplyDeleteI like your recommendation about Rosie's Place where I am certain there is a woman in need of something warm and blue and St. Francis House is a good place for dropping off an item to warm a Dad's heart.
Your essay brought tears to my eyes. Let it be a reminder to everyone that the holidays, which now seem to begin in mid-October and last through January 2, are a difficult time for many, many people. I applaud your perspective on sending the socks to Rosie's Place, but even that can be difficult if the grief is still fresh.
ReplyDeleteanonymous: I understand... In our parish, beginning before Thanksgiving, we add an intercession each week through New Year's "for those who find the holidays a difficult time, let us pray to the Lord."
ReplyDeleteAnd in some way, that intercession includes nearly everyone who hears it...
It does indeed fit just about everyone who hears it. I have had the same experience many times when something triggers a memory of my brother who died almost 10 years ago, and my mom who died just 10 months ago. I too believe it is a strong connection of love that keeps out senses aware that our loved ones are just that, sorely missed, but still our loved ones. I am beginning to embrace the losses, and feel a sense of deep neverending love in place of the tears. And praise God for welcoming them into His Kingdom. I like your idea about Rosies place, and I'll add Minute Man ARC to that list. What better way of giftgiving then to make a donation in someone's name to a place that needs it. We all have too much anyway. Thanks for sharing Austin.
ReplyDeleteConcord Pastor,
ReplyDeleteI'm finally leaving a comment, after reading your blog since its inception. Thanks for your great work!
This piece struck me in a particular way because this very thing has occured to me, as well. My father died just over three years ago now, and I still quite often find myself thinking "I've got to tell Dad about this..." before I realize that it will be a while before I can share whatever it was that triggered the thought.
I think you've hit on a universal experience here. We all have those with whom we are so close that no amount of time, not even death, can stop us from associating with our loved ones those little things that remind us of them.
We can all hope that we touch someone in some way such that a little thing causes us to be remembered fondly. How much more beautiful if someone is moved by that memory to do something kind for someone else as you were, Concord Pastor. We should all remember our loved ones in such thoughtful ways!
Finally, Concord Pastor, perhaps you and your readers might find this of interest:
"Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house,
Maybe you'll think of me and smile.
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse,
Keep me in your heart for awhile.
Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you."
-Warren Zevon (Keep Me In Your Heart)
What beautiful words that fit perfectly right here!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing them.
I feel the same things that many others have said. I always want to pick up the phone and call Mom with some good news of the day. She has been gone for 15 years and I miss every day. What a wonderful legacy she left to us that we can try to role model her wonderful faith and dedication to the lord. I love this blog.
ReplyDeleteJack's Son: Your comment was helpful for me because my relationship with my dad was not as full as my relationship with my mom. Your words, however, opened up for me a path to explore of memories that don't immediately jump to my mind (your words opened up my tear ducts, too!). And the Zevon lyrics were perfect...
ReplyDeleteAll of you who have commented here: this is just what I hoped, from the beginning, that this blog might be: a place where folks would read, grow, learn,share and even, in a way, pray together. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Your entry struck a chord, obviously not only in my heart but for many others as well. Dad died in 1974 and every now and then something happens that I think, "won't Dad get a kick out of this" and for a split second he is definitely with me chuckling. My mother died in 1994 and I very often have moments such as you explained with the wooly socks. I love your idea of buying some things and giving them to Rosie's Place or someplace similar. We have a place called "Hope House" in our area where we now volunteer - meals are served 3 times a day, 7 days a week. They can also use clothes for all and I am thinking of warm hats, mittens, scarves and SOCKS! Thanks for the reminder that so often we don't have to look very far to reach out to others and honor our parents.
ReplyDeleteMy mother died 25 years ago, my father 20 years ago, and my husband 10 years ago this month...the three people I have most loved. I received a letter a few months after my husband died from someone from my hometown. In it she said: "Be grateful for the years you had together. Some people are never fortunate enough to have loved or been loved so much." Often when I am feeling lonely and sad, I remember these words and remind myself of how lucky I am to have had these three wonderful people in my life. I wish it could have gone on forever.
ReplyDeleteWOW! Did this thread of discussion ever strike a chord with me (and get MY tear ducts flowing!)...I lost my mother 26 years ago and my Dad 21, and we lost our first grandchild almost 9 years ago...rarely a day goes by that I do not think of all of them, ..In these years I have set my mother a place at the Thanksgiving table "forgetting" that she was gone, left a whole stack of mothers day cards on a store counter because I lost it when I saw the ones that said "Nana"...I was deeply saddened when the Red Sox won the World Series 3 yrs ago knowing how much my father would have relished and cherished that moment...and as each family event happens I refelct on how much they would LOVE to be there....and then I remember that they are...
ReplyDelete