The rituals of holidays

Image: Susan's Page

On a rotating basis, the clergy of Concord contribute articles to the town's weekly, The Concord Journal, in a column titled Voices of Faith. It was my turn this week and here's my article.

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There begins this week the season generally referred to as “the holidays,” a portion of the calendar stretching from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day. Some of the celebrations in this season are common to all and others are particular to different faiths and followers. Without wanting to omit less well-known dates, “the holidays” are generally understood to include Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, the Solstice, Kwanzaa and New Year’s Day. And each of these celebrations has its own rituals.

Consider Thanksgiving Day which is fast upon us. How many times in the past week or so have you asked or been asked the question, “So, what are you doing, where are you going for Thanksgiving?” There’s a ritual fascination for knowing when and where others (and how we ourselves) will celebrate this day. And many times have you heard a response like, “Oh, we’re going to my sister’s - she’s having 29 for dinner.” At no other time of the year are we likely to know, much less announce to others how many people will be at table for a particular meal. A number of other ritual questions will follow: will it be a fresh or frozen turkey - and how does it weigh? how many vegetables? sweet potatoes with or without marshmallows? who’s bringing what? is he bringing that string-bean casserole again? what kind of stuffing? how many pies and what kind? are your kids coming home or going to the in-laws?

Much conversation like this will be conducted before Thanksgiving and will be repeated again after this Thursday when folks begin to ask, “So, how was your Thanksgiving?” There’s a definite ritual conversation that occurs before and after the actual Thanksgiving Day meal.

And what of the ritual dynamics and conversations that occur once everyone is gathered: is there one table for kids and one for adults? is there a prayer before the meal? do you go around the table inviting guests to mention things they’re grateful for this Thanksgiving? who carves the turkey? who gets the drumsticks? what family stories are told again and exaggerated even beyond last year’s telling? who are the predictable tellers of the predictable stories? what politics are fair game during dinner? at what point does some portion of the company excuse themselves to go watch the game?

Odds are you’re adding your own family’s ritual words and deeds to the list I’ve offered above. True ritual behavior and dialogue: reconnect us to our roots and one another; offer us a conversation in which all participants know the vocabulary and their own part; and ritual offer us, if only for a few hours, a moment of sanity and serenity amidst the chaos of the rest of life. We are drawn to such ritual gatherings because they have the power to reassure us that in spite of everything else, there is a still point in which peace can be found, in the simplest experiences (sharing a meal) and among those who have helped, for weal or for woe, to shape our lives.

We should be grateful to know that in a culture so easily dismissive of ritual behavior as rote and empty, a holiday like Thanksgiving not only survives but thrives! And a whole season of such experiences draws us together between the end of November and the early days of January.

As Thanksgiving approaches, it might be helpful to reflect on how such holiday and family rituals play out in and prosper our lives and well-being: how these tried and true, age-old familiar activities and conversations touch us in the depths of our hearts and connect us with realities more important than we might often realize and acknowledge.

And I’ll go another step and suggest that the very same dynamic of ritual is played out week after week in the houses of worship in Concord. The ritual of worship in any faith is filled with: familiar words and dialogue; old, even ancient stories of the family of faith; meals shared in remembrance of our roots and our connection to one another; the offering of a place where peace can be found, where one can escape the chaos not by running away from it but by hastening towards a center, a calm, a serenity the chaos can never overwhelm or absorb.

The rituals of “the holidays” are life-giving in many ways but they also put us in touch with our losses, our hurts and our disappointments. Ritual in faith communities do the same but, again, such ritual offers a place not to deny our pain but to find healing for it in a community of others sharing joys and sorrows alike with any who will give themselves to the words and deeds of shared prayer.

May the rituals of this season of holidays enrich, strengthen, delight and heal you in your heart of hearts. And may the rituals of these holidays draw you home, through the new year, to the community of faith whose rituals are yours and waiting for you.

-ConcordPastor