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| Photo: CP |
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I probably should have known better than to start a series of post just a couple of weeks before Christmas! Though I've not posted on my retreat for a while, I do want to continue to share it with you. You can find the first two posts on my sidebar where you'll see the photo above.
My retreat centered on the presence of the Lord and particularly the presence I experienced in the chapel, praying before the Eucharist in the tabernacle. It won't surprise you to know that I believe the Lord is present in the Bread of the Eucharist: as we offer, share and receive it at the altar and as we venerate it in the reserved Sacrament of the tabernacle. What was new for me, or refreshed during my retreat week, was the strength and depth of the Lord's presence as I experienced it. I found myself both surrounded and filled, supported and comforted by the presence of God. This was not something euphoric or exhilarating. It was, in fact, stable and strong, providing a deep consolation.
Such an experience is a gift from God. In my 64 years I've certainly experienced the peace of God's presence but never before in the way I did this time on retreat. No, I don't think God has waited over six decades to offer this to me. So I can't help but wonder: how many other times was God waiting to offer me this peace but I missed the moment because I was too busy: too busy to slow down, to sit down, to stop, even to pause and lift my heart, my face to God's presence? How often was I so tied up in myself and my feelings, so entwined in my fears and self-doubt that I had ceased to expect or believe that such a gift would ever come my way? In what ways have I thought that only other folks would ever have such an experience of God? How long had it been since I had allowed myself the time, the place, the slowed pace at which I was sensitive to God's presence, touch and grace?
From almost the very beginning of my retreat I was aware that God was doing the work, that I only needed to sit back and soak in the presence of the One who had broken through my resistance and drawn me to this week, the place, this peace. Somewhere in my heart I realized how often in my spiritual life I work too hard at it. And of course, there are times when I pay it hardly any attention at all. Both extremes are dead ends. I'm reminded of a prayer composed by Edwina Gately that I posted a week or so ago:
Be silent.
Be still.
Wait before your God.
Say nothing.
Ask nothing.
Be still.
Let your God look upon you.
That is all.
God knows.
God understands.
God loves you with an enormous love.
God only wants to look upon you with love.
Quiet.
Still.
Be.
Consider who does the work in that prayer... The one who prays needs only to sit still, in the silence, to just be... While God looks upon, knows, understands and loves the one who prays...
To have this experience is to be consoled in the peace and presence of God...
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This is lovely to read and know that the retreat gave you these gifts. The Edwina Gately prayer is a favourite of mine as it was given to me some years back when I started receiving spiritual direction. I don't see my S.D now but the prayer continues to be a special one for me.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what you say about overdoing things or its opposite. I think it has a lot do with temperament and personality.
Now, what about the food ?
I did ask about it before.:-))
Blessings
Sorry! The food was quite good.
ReplyDeleteShucks - can't you tell us a little more :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm having trouble finding time to write about the real nourishment - no time for menu comments!
ReplyDeleteI am so pleased that you felt God's presence. It can be amazing that you can feel His warmth and connection and then forget. I think that writing about it is a good way for you to remember in the future when it is dark and cold out and you are feeling alone.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas.
Teacher
Sorry. I didn't express myself very well and it may have came across as flippant which I certainly did not intend in any way- such are the limitations of the combox.
ReplyDeleteI didn't just mean a menu.
I thought maybe the act of eating and sharing food on retreat could be be a spiritual experience worth writing about.
The prayer that you included in your post reminded me of something I recently read in a book about St. Jean Marie Baptist Vianney.
ReplyDeleteThe author was recounting a story about a peasant that used to just sit in the parish periodically throughout the week and one day the Cure of Ars went up to him and asked him what he did when he was in the chapel. The peasant replied "I sit and look at God and God looks at me".
That comment really struck me because I think I'm one of those people who work to hard at my spiritual life which has been even more so in the past few months since I've graduated school and am trying to figure out where God is calling me for the rest of my life.
Thanks for another good reminder to simply sit back and soak in the presence of God... to get a SONburn!
I didn't think your comment at all flippant, Phil. It was a directed retreat so all our meals were taken in silence. As good as the food was, it was just that, good food. :-)
ReplyDelete