The Sacrament of Reconciliation: Confession

This page includes my weekly letter in the Holy Family Parish Bulletin for March 9, 2014.  In that letter I reflect on the Sacrament of Reconciliation and the program, The Light Is On For You.  The same bulletin included an insert as a help for those preparing to come to confession this Lent.  Here, then, are my letter and the contents of the insert.

Dear Brothers and Sisters,                                                                                                           

            For several years now all the parishes of the Archdiocese of Boston have been asked to offer the Sacrament of Reconciliation (confession) on the Wednesday nights of Lent from 6:30 - 8:00 p.m.   This effort goes under the title, The Light Is On For You.  The idea is that anywhere you go in the archdiocese on a Wednesday night in Lent, you’ll find a Catholic church open for confession.  Holy Family Parish has participated in this every year and will again for Lent 2014.  In the bulletin today you’ll find a four-page insert with material to help you prepare to celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  On page 1 of the insert, adults and teens will find a basic outline of “how to go to confession.”  On page 2, adults will find questions to help them prepare for the sacrament of reconciliation and on page 3 teens will find similar questions for their age group.  On page 4 there’s a simplified format for confession for children and questions to help them prepare for the sacrament.  (Feel free to bring this insert with you when you come to confession – it’s intended to assist you!)

            You’re probably aware that the number of people frequenting this sacrament has declined dramatically over the past 50 years.   A number of factors have contributed to this and it might be helpful to acknowledge them.  (1) Generations of people came to confession much more frequently but often confessed the same list of faults over and over again, from childhood into adulthood.  Sometimes frequency and rote repetition can work against the good.  (2) Many believers and certainly our culture have lost a sense of what is sinful.  An age of relativism as permissive as our own appears unable to discern what, if anything, is sinful.   (3) The clergy abuse crisis has seriously eroded the trust that many once placed in priests and, of course, all sacramental confessors are priests.  

            Those of us who take a few minutes to read over pages 2 and 3 of the insert will, I believe, find our faults and ourselves in the questions posed there.  Unfortunately, the drop-off in confessions has not been matched by a discernible increase in holiness and the number of living saints among us.  We still break the 10 commandments.  We still fail to worship God faithfully. We still hurt one another and ourselves.  We still lie and cheat and steal and gossip.  Our hearts still harbor angry, jealous, lusty thoughts.  We’re still unfaithful to God and one another in more ways than we might like to admit.  And that, of course, is at the heart of the matter here.  Confession is about admitting and acknowledging our faults and failings and asking God to forgive us.  We’re all familiar with the saying, “Confession is good for the soul.”  Those words aren’t scriptural: they are from a 17th century Scottish proverb and speak not of a sacrament but of the value of the human experience of facing our faults as a way of overcoming them.  How much greater the value, then, when we face our faults in the light of God’s truth, when we ask and receive his mercy and pardon and when the grace of God is given to help us change our ways.

            Lent is a time when the Lord invites us to a change of heart. The questions found in today’s insert will help all of us discern some things that need changing in our lives.  The peace and the grace of the Sacrament of Reconciliation are waiting for each of us.  The light is on for you!

            A note to parents…  (1) The best way to help your children appreciate and value this sacrament is for you to be the first in your family to go into the Penance Room for confession.   (2) If it’s been a while since your children’s last confession, help them study the insert and prepare them for the sacrament.  (3) Sacraments are of greatest spiritual benefit to those who approach them freely. Parents wanting this freedom for themselves should be mindful of that in guiding their children.

Sincerely,
Fr. Fleming

A Guide for Coming to Confession

 ADULTS and TEENS

Celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation

Preparation for Confession

Before going to confession, the penitent examines his/her conscience - see below.

Upon entering the Penance Room

The priest welcomes the penitent
and then both make the sign of the cross, saying,

In the name of the Father,

and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,

Amen.

Confession of Sins

The penitent then confesses his or her sins.

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. 

It has been ________________     

since my last confession.

These are my sins…

(The penitent tells the priest his/her sins) 

For these and all my sins

I am truly sorry.

The priest may offer some words of counsel
and then assigns an act of penance: 
a prayer or a work of mercy.

The Prayer of the Penitent

The  penitent prays an Act of Contrition,
expressing sorrow for sins
and a resolve not to sin again.
You may use the following prayer
or another Act of Contrition you know.

An Act of Contrition

My God, I am sorry for my sins

with all my heart.

In choosing to do wrong

and failing to do good,

I have sinned against you

whom I should love above all things.

I firmly intend, with your help,

to do penance, to sin no more,

and to avoid whatever leads me to sin.

Our Savior Jesus Christ

suffered and died for us.

In his name, my God, have mercy.

Absolution by the Priest

Following the Act of Contrition,
the priest extends his hand over the head of the penitent 
and pronounces the absolution:   
God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son, has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins.  Through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the + Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. 

Penitent:                        Amen.

Priest:                 Peace be with you.

Penitent:            And with your spirit.

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ADULTS Prepare
to Celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation

- Do I love God?  Do I worship God?  Are there false gods I worship by giving them more attention than I give to God (work, money, position, prestige, superstition, possessions?)  Do I pray every day?  Do I pray on Sundays by participating at Mass?   Do I make an effort to grow in faith and in knowledge of my Church and its teachings? Do I thank God for his gifts to me?  Am I careful not to use the name of God and the name of Jesus carelessly?

- Do I love others?  At home?   At work?  In my neighborhood?  At school? Have I abused anyone - physically or emotionally?  Do I speak unkindly to others - or about others?  Do I give my parents the respect they deserve?  Am I a good and faithful parent?  Am I good to my brothers and sisters? Am I faithful to my friends?  Do I reach out generously to the poor? Do I share my belongings with friends and family members?  Do I try to care for the needs of others before I take care of my own needs?   Do I invite other people into my group of friends?  Do I exclude other people from my circle of friends?  Do I reach out to those who are lonely?

- Have I stolen?  Have I taken what does not belong to me?  Have I taken anything I have not paid for?  Have I damaged what belongs to others? Am I envious or jealous of what other people have?  Am I greedy or selfish?  Do I place too much importance on material goods?  Do I trust that God will provide what I truly need?

- Do I tell the truth?  Do I lie?  Am I honest with myself?  Am I honest with God?  Am I honest with my family?  Am I honest with my employers? with those with whom I do business?  with my teachers?  with my classmates?  with my friends?  Am I fair in my dealings with others?   Do I  object to injustice when I see it and work to remedy it?  Do I cheat?  Do I take credit for work that’s not mine? Do I gossip about others?  Do I contribute to tearing down the reputations of other people?  Do I forgive those who have hurt me?  Do I ask forgiveness of those whom I have hurt?  Do I hold grudges or resentments?

- Have I taken care of and respected the gift of my body?  Have I abused my body and my mind with drugs or alcohol?  Have I respected the gift of sexuality that God has given me?  Have I respected the sexuality of other persons? Have I  been faithful to my spouse in thought, word and deed?  Have I taken advantage of another person for my own pleasure?  Do I take part in entertainment, Internet sites, conversations or jokes of an inappropriate nature?

- Have I been faithful to my conscience?  Have I given in to the pressure of those around me to things I know are wrong?  Have I encouraged others to participate in wrongdoing?

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TEENS Prepare
to Celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation

- Do I love God?  Do I try to grow in my understanding and love of God?  Are there false gods I worship by giving them more attention than I give to God (money, superstition, possessions)?  Do I pray to God every day?  Do I pray on Sundays by participating at Mass?   Have I made an effort to grow in faith, and in knowledge of my church and its teachings?  Do I thank God for his gifts to me?  Am I careful not to use the name of God and the name of Jesus carelessly?

- Do I try to love others?  At home?   At work?  In my neighborhood?  At school?  Am I ever cruel to others?  Have I physically abused anyone - physically, emotionally, sexually?  Do I speak unkindly to others - or about others?  Do I give my parents the respect they deserve?  Am I good to my brothers and sisters?  Do I help them?  Am I generous to them?  Am I faithful to my friends?  Do I try to help the poor? Do I share my own belongings with friends and with my family members?  Do I try to look out for the needs of others before I take care of my own needs?   Do I invite other people into my group of friends?  Do I ever exclude other people from my circle of friends?  Do I reach out to those who are lonely, or do I ignore them?

- Have I stolen?  Have I taken anything that does not belong to me?  Have I taken anything I have not paid for?  Have I damaged what belongs to others? Am I jealous of what other people have?  Am I greedy or selfish?  Do I place too much importance on material goods?  Do I trust that God will provide what I truly need?

- Do I tell the truth?  Do I lie?  Am I honest with myself?  Am I honest with God?  Am I honest with my parents?  with my teachers? with my employers? with my classmates?  with my friends?  Am I fair in my dealings with other people?   Do I  object to and try to remedy injustice when I see it?   Do I cheat?  Do I take credit for work that’s not mine? Do I gossip about others?  Do I contribute to tearing down the reputations of other people?  Do I make an honest effort to forgive those who have hurt me?  Do I ask forgiveness of those whom I have hurt?  Do I hold grudges?

- Have I taken care of the gift of my body?  Have I abused my body and my mind with drugs or alcohol?  Have I respected the gift of sexuality that God has given me?  Have I respected the sexuality of other persons?  Have I taken advantage of another person for my own pleasure?  Do I take part in conversations or jokes that are sexually inappropriate? Have I viewed sexually inappropriate materials on the Internet or other media ?

- Have I been faithful to my conscience?  Have I given in to the pressure of those around me to things I know were wrong?  Have I encouraged others to participate in wrong-doing?

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CHILDREN Celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation

Before I go into the Penance Room, I take some time, 
at home or at church, to remember my sins…

In the Penance Room the priest and I bless ourselves
and we say together:

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

Then I say:  
  
Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
It has been (say how long) since my last confession.

These are my sins… 

(Now I tell the priest my sins)

 For these and all my sins I am sorry. 

The priest will give me a penance to do
to help me make up for my sins.

Then I pray:  
    
Dear God,
I am sorry for my sins with all my heart.
I am sorry for all the wrong things I have done.
I am sorry for the good things I have failed to do.
With your help I will try to do better.
Help me show your love.  Amen.

Then the priest says a prayer that ends with these words:

Through the ministry of the Church
may God give you pardon and peace

and I absolve you from your sins 
in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

I say:       Amen.

The priest says:   Peace be with you.    

I say:       And with your spirit! 

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CHILDREN Prepare 
to Celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation

• Do I remember to pray every day?   

• Do I pay attention at Mass?   

• Do I use God’s name or Jesus’ name without respect?  

• Do I obey my parents and my teachers?  

• Do I follow “family rules” at home?  

• Do I say mean things to my mom or dad?   

• Do I help at home and do my chores?   

• Am I kind to others at home and at school? 

• Do I hurt others people's feelings ?  

• Do I tease or bully others?   

• Do I start fights with my brothers and sisters at home?   

• Do I blame other people for things I do?  

• Do I hit others when I’m angry?   

• Do I forgive people when they hurt me?   

• Do I always tell the truth?   

• Do I refuse to play with some kids?   

• Do I do my schoolwork and homework?  

• Do I cheat in school or at games?  

• Do I take things that don’t belong to me? 

• Do I take care of my belongings and those of others?