A Concord Pastor Comments: Pause for Prayer: TUESDAY 10/30

Lord, I want to pray
for someone I recently let down
- and I know you know who that is...

But even as I try to pray for him
I find myself thinking about:
how busy I was,
how I didn't mean any harm,
how I didn't do anything on purpose...

In other words,
I'm looking for ways to excuse myself...

But here's the bottom line, Lord:
regardless of the circumstances,
the reasons
and my intentions -
I let my friend down
and just at a time when he was looking, hoping
and needing me to lift him up...

I apologized, Lord
and, as you know,
my friend graciously accepted my mea culpa
and forgave me...

But as I pray for him today,
I'm ashamed that part of me
still seeks to excuse my careless behavior
and my absence in his time of need
- and then there's that impulse
to find a way
to put the blame on him...

My contrition is quite imperfect, Lord,
my self-opinion much inflated,
my need for pardon is more not less...

Teach me, Lord,
teach me the difference between
saying, "I'm sorry"
and saying, "I apologize."

Apologizing isn't that difficult, Lord -
its being truly sorry that's hard,
that stretches my soul,
calling my heart to give in,
to give up, to give way...

Teach me to be sorry for my sins, Lord:
sorry for my failings,
sorry for my errors in judgement,
sorry for my carelessness,
sorry for my selfish haste,
sorry for my foolishness,
sorry for my self-serving pride -
and sorry for not accepting the blame
when the blame is clearly mine...

Guide me along true sorrow's path, Lord:
the path that reconciles,
the path the heals the hurt
I've caused in others' hearts and lives,
the path that truly leads me to your peace...

Amen.