So, are you a doubter or a
believer?
Or maybe there are both
doubt and belief
in your heart, in your
mind and in your faith.
Indeed,
there are two ways for us to look at Thomas.
In
Western Christianity, we know him as “Doubting Thomas”
but
in the Eastern and Orthodox churches,
he’s
known as “Thomas the Believer” - and rightly so.
There’s
no string of gospel stories
showing
a history of Thomas doubting things – it’s just not there.
He
was an apostle, a close and faithful follower of Jesus.
Thomas
was a believer before he was a doubter
and
his doubt led him to even deeper belief.
In
the whole of the New Testament,
Thomas
is the only person to address Jesus with the words,
“My Lord and my God!”
So
what happened?
What
caused Thomas to doubt?
I
wonder: might it not have been the painful, inglorious death of Jesus,
condemned
and crucified as a common criminal”
It
wasn’t supposed to come to this.
It wasn’t supposed to end this way.
So
the other disciples’ reporting that Jesus had risen
did
little to generate fresh faith and trust in Thomas’ heart.
I
can’t help but wonder if,
when
it comes to questions of faith,
there
aren’t many, today, who, like Thomas,
have
a history of strong faith and belief
but
who, like Thomas,
find
themselves saying, for one reason or another,
It wasn’t supposed to
come to this…
It wasn’t supposed to end
this way…
Perhaps
it’s the death of a loved one,
or
of someone very young,
or
of someone you’d prayed for -- for a long, long time...
It wasn’t supposed to
come to this…
It wasn’t supposed to end
this way…
Perhaps
it’s the death of a dream,
the
failure of a good plan,
or
a dashed hope:
It wasn’t supposed to
come to this…
It wasn’t supposed to end
this way…
Or
perhaps it’s the death of a promise:
a
pledge, a word given, a marriage.
It wasn’t supposed to
come to this…
It wasn’t supposed to end
this way…
Thomas’
stance that he would not believe
without
seeing and touching Jesus’ wounds
may
have been as much an expression of disappointment and anger,
as
it was a demand for tangible proof.
In
fact, although Jesus offers Thomas
his
side for probing and his wounds for touching,
there’s
no evidence that Thomas followed through.
Rather,
his immediate response is his confession of faith, his belief,
“My Lord and my God!”
What
Jesus helped Thomas to do
was
to confront the death-dealing wounds and the pierced side,
to
look at his loss, to accept his loss and to see
that even if it wasn’t supposed to have come to this,
even
if it wasn’t supposed to have ended this way,
there
is, indeed, life, again - even after death.
What
are the deaths, the losses, the hurts, the disappointments,
the
failed plans, the broken promises, the dashed hopes
that
lead us to doubt,
that
sap and weaken our faith - yours and mine?
If
we persist in our disappointment,
in
our anger and our hurt, our doubt:
what comes of that?
If
we cease to believe, to trust, to hope,
what deeper loss might eventually be ours?
Do
we need to look into the wounds of our own hearts
pierced
by what we thought would never come,
and
there, in the loss, in the wound,
watch
for the presence of Jesus and listen for his voice,
calling
us to believe, to trust again in him,
with
a faith stronger than death itself?
As
surely as Jesus returned to the upper room
to
strengthen Thomas in faith
so
he comes today, to this place, looking for each of us, too,
to
strengthen our faith when it’s failing us.
This
day, at this altar,
Jesus
comes again and stands in our midst
and
sits at our table, his table,
offering
his divine mercy.
He
invites us not just to reach and touch his wounded Body,
but
rather to receive, to take into ourselves
his
gift of life-stronger-than-death,
the
gift of his life and mercy
offered
to all who will believe in him, who see him and say,
"My
Lord and my God!"
We
all believe, Lord: help our unbelief!
