In the combox for the post below on the sacrament of reconciliation, a reader suggests that I post an article and editorial from the January 25, 2008 edition of the National Catholic Reporter. The NCR items discuss Cardinal Bernard Law's position and life, five years after his resignation as Archbishop of Boston.
A bit of a tangent, I admit, but I still carry a lot of anger towards Cardinal Law (and yes, I know I need to be working towards forgiveness and I'm trying) so I found this video a nice antacid:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a41lJIhW7fA
(completely work and kid safe)
I was one who was very angry at Cardinal Law's departure to Rome...leaving him with no repercussions for his numerous misdeads and atrocities in the destruction of the innocence of so many children. I still carry that anger as well. It doesn't seem as though it was 5 years ago. In some ways it feels like it was only 5 minutes ago. Especially for the adult children (victims) and the lives they have had to attempt to heal. Nightmares, flashbacks, and dreadful memories are haunting and most difficult to turn off. My prayers remain with them, and I hope that as time passes, Cardinal Law opens his mind, accepts resposibility, and searches his soul for the ability to understand the full culpabilty he has in this tragic time of our beloved church. I hope that I as well, can find some peace within my own heart. Although this I believe, I have to hand over to God. It will never go away for sure. I shall leave the forgiveness up to our Lord and Savior. For all victims of sexual abuse, thier lives are a difficult road to travel, and some have not been able to heal from the trauma inflicted on them. It is a constant struggle for each and every one. I wish them peace. No one should ever forget what has happened. We must never allow this to happen again, or sweep it under the rug. We must leave it out there for all to remember, and pray for those who suffer. Our Church and Concord Pastor have continued to keep this out in the open and pray for healing and trust to be restored.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
I do not believe ALL victims of sexual abuse have a difficult road to travel. Some have made the choice to let go of the past, get the help that they need, and move on and forward with their lives. I understand once abused, you need to work through the pain and damage it causes. But I want to point out that people who have been sexually abused are not doomed for life. I have seen many in my lifetime who have climbed out of the darkness, seen the light of hope and goodness, and have chosen to not look back. Two important pieces in moving forward are letting go of anger and finding the ability to forgive. Just think of how this world would be if people could forgive one another and put their anger aside. The anger doesn't accomplish much except it eats at our souls. Peace would bring communication of how to make things better. I believe Cardinal Law should be forgiven, but also believe, "he just doesn't get it". It's not worth communicating with him further on the crisis, because he only sees it one way - his way.
ReplyDeleteWhile I believe many can climb out of the darkness and find a way to see the light, I still believe it is a dark road to travel before this can be acomplished. It isn't easy to let go of the anger or to forgive. Not when, as a child, you have been abused by someone you are supposed to be able to trust.
ReplyDeleteDo I think all are doomed to a difficult life? No. But the circumstances of thier abuse make it difficult for sure.
But I do believe that a perpetrator and/or the people who allowed the abuse to continue should be held accountable. In the case of Cardinal Law, there were no consequences for his behavior and I believe that to be a terrible tragedy. I believe that closure plays a big part in letting go of the anger and the ability to forgive. However we find that closure is always on an individual basis. Some can find it, while others carry the hurt with them always. All I can say is it that it isn't an easy task to move beyond the past, let go of the anger, and especially to forgive. That's why sometimes, we need to hand over the forgiveness to God. Perhaps that is a way to let go. But I do believe that for many, it isn't just holding on to the trauma, but rather the trauma itself holds on to them, and that is why I believe the road can be difficult to travel. Victims or should I say,survivors,don't ask for flashbacks and nightmares. Sometimes that part of healing never goes away. And if that is the case, the victims have an even harder time to reach a level of healing. Expecting them to leave the past behind, let go of the anger and find forgiveness only causes more pain for the victim. All I am saying is that in some cases, expectations put on the victims to reach those goals, actually hurt them in the long run. Healing for some is a day to day struggle and while I pray that more people can achieve that goal, I also pray for the ones who suffer the long term effects who have uneccesary expectations placed upon them simply because it's God's will. Sometimes that can hurt even more then the trauma itself.
Regina: Abuse appears to consume you. I pray those around you never give up the expectation of your healing, because that would mean they gave up hope. I pray also, you don't give up on yourself.
ReplyDeleteI thank you for your prayers and hopes for myself. I would like to extend that to all survivors of abuse. We all need prayers and help from those who can understand what we go through, and possibly find a way out. Sometimes that is a long process, but the truth is if you never give up hope, perhaps healing will indeed become a reality.
ReplyDeleteIs there a 12-step program for those who have been abused based on the AA model? It seems as if a support group would be most helpful in the healing process. If statistics are to be believed, one in four women have been abused and one in five men. If you look around a room of people, think about that!
ReplyDeleteThe repurcussions that followed are still with us. It's been a difficult 5 years since the cardinal resigned....for those who suffered the abuse and cover ups of course, for those priests of integrity who are often scrutinized and not trusted and for the laity who have suffered because of parish reconfiguration and the cutbacks of important programs. I heard someone refer to those of us in this Archdiocese as "God's Frozen Chosen".
ReplyDeleteI'm sure within his own mind Cardinal Law is suffering and doing a penance of sorts. However, it is somewhat bothersome that his lifestyle doesn't exactly reflect this...but should it? The first couple of years after his resignation, I was angry that he was not lawfully prosecuted. It doesn't upset me anymore. Is that healing? IDK.
A new program in conjunction with the bicentenial celebration of the Archdiocese will begin this fall. (Arise Together in Christ) Do you think it will help with the healing process? I'm not sure.
http://www.rcab.org/Life/RENEW/HomePage.html
I don't know if I have posted this here before. If so, forgive me. I personally think that the Pope by not coming to Boston has missed a great opportunity to advance the healing of those who were abused. Picture John Paul II at the Western Wall asking the forgiveness of the Jewish people. Picture Benedict XVI at a Healing Mass on the Boston Common asking the forgiveness of those who have been abused and promising that he will do everything in his power to see that it never happens again. Powerful. A missed opportunity.
ReplyDeleteI agree Daisy...a perfect opportunity missed. And one that know doubt would have been a stepping stone for some who have been abused/
ReplyDeletejulieanna: thanks for giving a little hope to those of us who have been abused. It's always good to hear of people who've healed and moved on. Good to know it's possible. I needed to hear that.
ReplyDeleteI think we should all take a look at, and try to feel and understand what regina is saying. Obviously, there is pain and mistrust within someone who has been hurt by abuse. I agree with regina that attempting to have the victims move beyond, put the past behind them, forgive and cease anger must be very difficult to do if you have been through this abuse. No one has the right to place expectations on anyone. And unless you yourself have travelled this journey, then we can never understand the full extent of a life torn apart,innocence mangled and an emptiness within the hearts and minds of the abused. I have seen people who have had to endure the repercussions of long ago abuse, and sometimes, try as they may, healing does not always come to them. Please don't over simplify the damage done and the inability to "put the past behind them and not look back". Some are not "doomed", while others can never let go simply because it was so traumatic. When the lives of the abused are so fragmented by the burden of the trauma, there is not always a way to forgive and let go.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with regina and all others who carry such a difficult burden. I pray God continues to walk with you throughout your journey, and I know He is!
For a long while, I hesitated in getting a screen name and commenting on this blog. I apologize to Regina and anyone else I may have offended by my comment above. Negativity has held me back in my own healing and just thought I would share with others what has helped me. Anonymous above me and Regina sound like the same writer. Sorry to have angered you or hurt you in any way. I think I'm going back to being a "reader of the blog." I don't like feeling like the cause of others pain.
ReplyDeleteRegina says...
ReplyDeleteDear Julianna,
I hope you don't discontinue expressing your views on this blog. That's what it is here for. I took almost no offence, except that it sounded a bit simplistic in letting go and moving beyond. I enjoyed reading your take on the subject. It's just that you and I may not see eye to eye on the results that one can hope for.
Please don't give up writing here. Everyone has something to say, and it is all welcome. People are different with different takes on life and healing. It's good to hear from the "other side". It makes you think. It's just that sometimes we can agree to disagree. I applaud your comment. Keep it up. The information on all subject in the blog leave the door open for great communication.
Given the potential explosiveness of the post's topic and the comments it might have generated, I think this has been (and will continue to be) a very good discussion of some very difficult issues.
ReplyDeleteAs I watched the comments come in I knew that we were all treading on sensitive territory but I'm very proud of how the readers and writers here have interacted. (If you roam around the blogosphere you know that it's not always polite and civil out there - especially on some Christian blogs.)
I hope that everyone here will continue to contribute. As it says over the combox: "Your comments make this a better blog!" That is so true.
We are limited in this form of communication and sometimes there's an ambivalence in a word or expression that can be taken the wrong way, even though not so intended. Let's not let that divide us in any way.
You folks are the best!
I am not sure that any of us who have remained close to the church throughout this will ever completely recover...it is like a death, it never goes away you just work at integrating the loss into your daily life. This one has been very difficult for me to integrate; each time I read something like this NCR article I am just overwhelemed again by the deep sadness that it happened and furor that people in poistions of trust and accountability allowed it to happen. Dear Jesus, help me to turn this heart of stone into one of forgiveness...I am so not there yet...
ReplyDelete